The Gourmet Stoner Tips: Going to the restaurant

There are two kinds of stoners: Those who get the munchies right after smoking and those who lie and say they don't get the munchies (I believe that should be categorized as an eating disorder). Whether we enjoyed a toke on the top of a mountain after finishing a strenuous hike, in the comfort of our home or at a coffee shop in Amsterdam we all face a situation that leads to hours of discussion and complex tasks if not handled properly: What are we going to eat?

While cooking or buying a good healthy meal at supermarket is always an option, let's face it....Munchies doesn't really rhyme with Tofu and beets but it does rhyme with cookies and goodies....and those goodies are even better if you don't have to move a finger or wash a single dish after it's all said and eaten...so we usually opt for the other option: Going to a restaurant.

Now going to a restaurant with other people can be a daunting task in the first place, but if one of the members in the group happens to be stoned, it becomes a whole new experience. However, it does have potential to go well if the stoner has been trained properly.

There are a few rules that everyone should observe when going to a restaurant but these following rules are especially important for potheads who forget everything their mama taught them when they walk into food heaven.

1: Pick a location before you go
This might seem like an obvious one but how many times have you just gotten into your car driving to a neighborhood saying: We'll park the car and walk around and see what looks good. Here's what's going to happen: by the time you park your car everyone will already be starving....so everything will look good and nobody is going to want to walk around looking at other people eating. Pick a restaurant and go there (DO NOT stop a gas station or at a liquor store on the way there...there will be too many tempting munchies options that will kill your appetite)
Budget Tip: DO NOT pick a restaurant where you can't afford the most expensive item on the menu because chances are: that's what you're going to order when you're stoned.

2: Know what you're going to order before you get there:
There will be waiters going across the room with desserts in their hands, sizzling dishes, and cold pints of beer and you will be surrounded with delicious dishes on other customers' tables so it will become harder to make a decision once you get there.We all have smart phones and most restaurants have their menu online, and there is no excuse for spending ten minutes deciding what you're going to eat when everyone else is about to collapse because they're so hungry. While some stoners might think it's funny that you keep repeating "Everything looks sooooooo Goooooood!" every five seconds while reading the menu, others might want to grab their fork and stick it in your eye. Also: DO AVOID restaurants with pictures of their dishes...It is a stoner's worst ennemy and you will never get out of that restaurant the same person you were before you went in.

3: DO wash you hands before you eat
You grabbed a few nugs and shared drug paraphernalia with a bunch of other stoners, maybe touched a few door handles along the way, then you sat down at a table and touched a menu, and you're likely to order a burger that you're going to grab with your two hands and if the sauce is good you're going to lick every single one of your fingers in the process. So go wash your hands or you'll be wondering if you're sick because of the smelly fish or because of your smelly fingers.

4: DO NOT Stare:
There will also be a lot of other distractions in the restaurant like Televisions, hot waitresses, and amusing signs...DO NOT stare! Once you start staring you will get lost in whatever you're staring at and the group will take advantage of that by stealing fries from your plate and you will look like the creep in the restaurant.

5: DO NOT go to a "All-You-Can-Eat" Restaurant
While this may sounds like a smart plan at the time when you decide to go after you tenth bong hit, you might either regret it the morning after.....or you will regret it that same day. Either way, nothing comes out of a group of stoners going to a restaurant where the customer is allowed to eat a much as their stomach can take. Smoking somehow makes the brain think that our stomach is bigger than it actually is and when we come down form our high, we realize that it wasn't actually a black hole where food was disappearing from the surface of the earth.

6: DO Order water with your meal
Yeah, I knwo you "need" your beer and the cold pop makes your brain "tingle" but your cottonmouth is telling you one thing: You need to give it some good ol' water. Your body will thank you.,,,especially after you eat at that all-you-can-eat sushis restaurant in the middle of the desert.

7: DO NOT laugh obnoxiously
I do realize it's easier said than done and if somebody says something funny we would probably all laugh. But if the cooks in the kitchen can hear you laughing then maybe it's a little too loud. Think of your obnoxious stoner laugh as a fart: We know you can't help it but just go outside for a second if you're laughing so hard that tears are coming out of your dry eyes.

8: DO Order dessert when the Waitress asks
Let's face it, someone in the group will have a sweet tooth, and even if you don't want to indulge too much, you know you're going to grab one of those spoons when it's time for everyone to share that one slice of goodness....or you will regret not trying it. The waitress will be happy too because her tip just got bigger and everyone will come out of this experience a happy camper.

9: DO take your leftovers in a take away box
It might feel like this was the biggest meal you've ever had and there's no way you're ever going to eat anything again for at least twelve hours, but believe me: when you come back home to enjoy your digestive joint, you will be grateful for that food an hour later when all you have to do is throw it in the microwave to re-heat it. DO NOT stare at the food while you're microwaving it, the waves might damage your brain.

10: DO Leave a nice tip...if one of the members in your group didn't follow one of these rules
Whether you realize it or not, chances are that one person in your group was that annoying stoner that didn't follow these rules....and even if everybody acted in a civilized manner, you probably scared off other customers who may have enjoyed a cup of coffee or another beer...so be nice to the person who just made your life so much easier and fed you a delicious meal.

Waterloo & City - Culver City

After a summer day on the beach enjoying a few spliffs while listening to the sound of the crashing waves, it only seemed appropriate to indulge on some savory munchies and a lot of cold drinks at one of my favorite restaurants in Los Angeles: "Waterloo and City"

Waterloo and City is a gem in the heart of Mar Vista in an area where trendy restaurants are slowly taking over. There are so many choices for good food, even if you end up disliking "Waterloo & City" you'll find another great eatery to have exquisite drinks and inventive food.

One of the things I love about this place is that it's great for casual Happy Hours with friends at the end of a long day AND it's also a great location to bring somebody for a special date or to celebrate an event. The food at this gastro pub is to die for and the menu is constantly being updated with creative items that will make your head spin. One of the appetizers on the menu that night was "Bone marrow and sea urchin salad".

I walked in looking like a beach bum but we were still welcome with wide smiles from the friendly staff, and we sat down at one of the few remaining tables. We noticed that they now start their Happy Hours earlier on Sunday and you can now enjoy cheap drinks and succulent food form 3p-7p.

The menu had changed since the last time I had been there and it was even more mouthwatering. The first thing I wanted to order was the "Charcuterie plate" which is a French term that refers to a specific type of cured and fermented meat usually accompanied with bread, mustard and pickled cornichons. I browsed through the menu quickly and couldn't find my favorite appetizer but I did see an item called "Salumi plate" which I assumed was their new name for that awesome assortment of goodness but I wasn't quite sure. So....I asked our waitress: "Excuse me, What is a Salumi plate?" her response was: "It's Italian" ....errr....Thank you lady, I'm not sure I was asking for the origins of your new menu item, but I don't mind being educated even on Sundays so I restrained from making a wise ass comment and simply asked again: "What is it?". That's when I found out that my "Charcuterie plate" had just been renamed with its Italian version "Salumi plate". So I ordered it. We also ordered a wild mushrooms flatbread with truffle oil, some sweet corn Raviolis and a tuna tartare  I added a glass of their Happy Hour Wine on our order and sipped on my ice-cold water while waiting for our food to arrive.

The Salumi plate actually surprised me in a good way: It seemed like an upgrade from its previous version and "Charcuterie plate 2.0" was a great selection of cured meats. The raviolis were very sweet but it was an original recipe and we enjoyed every bite. The tuna tartare was fresh and well seasoned and the only mistake they made that night was the overcooked flatbread....I think it may have stayed in their oven a little too long. But after scraping off the cancerous parts of our mini pizza, we finished everything on the table. There are tons of other options that are both filling and indulging and I invite you to take a look at their website: http://www.waterlooandcity.com The presentation of all the dishes were outstanding and I would highly recommend that you try this place if you ever visit this neighborhood.

We left with a smile, a full stomach and a desire to go back there soon.

"Cinco De Mayo" in September - Culver City

Whether it's for Monday football, Taco Tuesday or Hump day...whether it's to celebrate end of the week for the 9-5ers or fearlessly treat ourselves with some of the most decadent comfort food, every day ending with a "Y" is a good day to eat Mexican food.

So after a few beers at a local bar I decided to stop by one of my favorite Mexican restaurant in Culver City: "Cinco de Mayo" to get my usual fish tacos and Carne Asada tacos but that night I decided to be even more daring and I tried their Seafood cocktail on a tostada. It was a refreshing mix of shrimps, octopus, calamaris, and fish with the essentials (chopped Cilantro, tomato and onions). It was fresh and delicious and I actually ended up going back to get more the following night on our way to the Hollywood bowl to see B.B king with my friend from France. We ordered a side of Ceviche to make sure we weren't go hungry while sitting on our asses listening to music, and the tostadas were so crunchy that the people sitting in front of us during the performance weren't too happy about our choice of picnic, but after opening a few beers and focusing on the amazing music coming from the amphitheater, I quickly forgot that I was annoying them, and resumed enjoying the show....with a few breaks to the bathroom.

The Ceviche was covered with fresh avocado and it was ridiculously cheap but incredibly savory. If you were on your way to the way overrated "Tito's Tacos" but don't feel like waiting in line or ordering crap that looks like crap... then go next door to "Cinco de Mayo".

"Back on the beach" Café - Santa Monica

Sometimes it doesn't really matter what you eat as long as you're enjoying some good company with you feet in the sand. "Back on the beach" Café is one of the few restaurants in Los Angeles where you can actually take off your sandals and feel the warm grains of sand massaging the bottom of your feet. It had always been a crowd pleaser even though the food is nothing to rave about, but their newly acquired liquor license which allows customers to enjoy a beer or some wine with their meal, just turned this loungy eatery into a not-to-be-missed destination for tourists and Angelinos alike.

We tried their fish Tacos and their "Deluxe Veggie" Burgers which were both satisfying but far from memorable, but the view on the ocean and the instant tan (or sunburn) made it all worthwhile.

"Yen Sushi" - Culver City

Located in one of the most notorious malls of Los Angeles lies a new sushi restaurant that offers a variety of fishy dishes with a beautiful view on their parking lot. "Yen Sushi" is a great way to end a shopping spree at the mall with a fantastic happy hour menu.

The menu is not only full of creative rolls and sushis but it also offers a variety of options for those who don't eat fish such as the "Tornado potato" and Asian dishes. The quality of the fish was outstanding and the presentation of the plates was elegant and original. Their happy hour menu includes a plate of sashimis (or sushis) including five sorts of fish with your order and they have Sapporo on draft for those who enjoy a large pitcher of beer with their meal.

We ordered a few different rolls including the "Rock n' Roll" "The lobster roll" and the "Spicy tuna on crispy rice" and they were all fabulous. Even their side of Wasabi was a visual delight.

The friendly staff made our drinks stronger when we kindly told them that they were a little weak, and finishing the meal off with a perfectly battered "Green Tea Ice Cream Tempura" was a real pleasure.

After a few beers and a few glasses of sake, you might even be inclined to give Karaoke a try since they also offer this service.

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"Awash" - Los Angeles

 

I love to cook.

I love to open the fridge and wonder what ingredients I'm going to use for the next meal, I love picking the spices that will add flavor and colors to my gourmet concoctions, I love cooking with wine because it gives me an excuse to drink it during the process, I love creating new recipes and try them on some of my most daring friends, I love the surprised look on my guests' faces when they walk in the apartment and smell the delicious particles of goodness emanating from the stove and I love not having to wonder if the restaurant I'm in should be featured in the "Kitchen Nightmares" Series....However I do get lazy at times (or courageous) and after a long day of inhaling THC, I didn't feel like peeling, cutting and stirring....so we headed out to one of my favorite comfort food restaurant in Los Angeles: "Awash"

http://losangeles.menupages.com/restaurants/awash/

When I was first invited to go to this restaurant, I was a little apprehensive and I wasn't sure what "Ethiopian" food, but I was more than pleasantly surprised. The restaurant can be a little hard to spot the first time you go there but with the help of your favorite GPS system is shouldn't be too difficult. The dining room is fairly small and has little decoration but the incredible service, the outstanding food and the smile on the friendly waitress make up for it. I pretended to look at the menu because I always get the same thing when I go there but staring at the different food items on the menu is not only mouth watering but it's also inspiring. We ordered their "Vegetarian combo" (A staple dish of this Ethiopian restaurant) that includes split pea, lentils, spinash, potatoes and other goodies and we added a side of "Zilzil Tibbs" (long strips of prime tender beef seared over hot charcoal grill seasoned with garlic, black pepper and purified butter) which is one of their most delicious meat item. After adding a beer to the order, I made my way to the bathroom to wash my hands because if you didn't know this already, you eat everything with your hands in an Ethiopian restaurant (with the help of some Ethiopian bread called "Injera").

The sizzling meat came to our table a few minutes later and we devoured this entire meal in only a few minutes.

This is the perfect place to come with a few friends and share a few dishes with a few drinks.

"La Cocotte et la Marmite" - Clichy

My friends always have the best chiropractor in the world, they always hang out at the coolest bar EVER!, and they always know the best restaurant in town...so when I get a referral I'm always giving the restaurant a background check before stepping in the money sucker.

So when the man with a glass of wine in his hand told me to check out "La Cocotte et la Marmite" in Clichy, I went online to see what some of the previous customers had thought. They all mentioned an authentic and tasty french cuisine with a welcoming owner. Since one of my favorite things to do is eat french cuisine and one of my other favorite "things to do" is try new things we decided to give it a try.

The restaurant was nothing pretentious but we did feel welcome from the moment we walked in. The owner makes you feel like a VIP even on your first visit and you will start ordering items just to be able to chat with him again. Since it was a warm day, I started my meal with a cold cucumber and avocado soup with big chunks of soft goat cheese. My sister had a poached egg on top of an artichoke.

We ordered some wine that was from my mother's best friend's vineyard (Targé) and we were happy to see this familiar bottle in this cozy restaurant. The owner posed with the bottle for a few pictures with us and we resumed eating the delicious appetizers that were sitting in front of us. 

After the first course was over, our giant "Cote de boeuf" (beef rib) arrived at our table along with my sister's dish (Lamb and vegetables) and my mother's dish which was some kind of "tripes stew" which is why there shall be no pictures of her meal! ;)

The meat was perfectly cooked and tender and everything on our table was devoured in a record amount of time. I finished the meal with an orange and chocolate mousse and a delicious spliff once we got back home. I can't wait to go to this restaurant again and you have to try it on your next trip to Paris!

"La Romantica" - Clichy

Paris is full of surprises. I was recently treatd to one of the best meals I had this year. At the end of the most dreaded subway line 13,  in a prestine location in the heart of Clichy, lies an Italian restaurant full of charm. Who knew they had fancy restaurants there?

We left early to get to the restaurant because taking the awful line 13 in the subway can be quite an adventure....especially during rush hours. It is the only line in Paris where people are paid to stand on the platform all day to help push people in the packed trains before the doors close on them (just like in Japan). It also usually breaks down at least once between two stations where the air conditioning stops working for a few minutes and the the temperature rises quickly. You will most likely be touched inappropriately, you will have to hold on to everything you slightly care about (like your wallet, cell phone, Ipad), and you might not even  be able to get out the train at your preferred stop if the train is packed with douchebags. But the ride was well worth it that night.

Needless to say, if you can avoid taking this line to get to the restaurant, I would highly recommend taking a cab. Then again, if you can afford this restaurant you can probably afford the cab ride there. Note: They even have valet parking is you decide to drive.

Once we reached our destination we stopped by my sister's place to enjoy a perfectly rolled spliff before meeting the rest of our group at the Restaurant. A much needed break after the subway nightmare.

The restaurant is located inside the courtyard of a residential building. There is an outdoor patio that is covered in the unlikely event of a downpour from the sky and the staff makes you feel like a thousand bucks the minute you walk in (probably because you're about to spend that much in the restaurant). The staff was fairly young, the waiters all sounded Italian, and the atmosphere was upscale. After we sat down and ordered our drinks the waiter managed to tell us what the specials were for the evening. When he was done listing the mouth watering items, he looked at our confused faces and asked us politely if he had talked too fast. I simply answered that it wasn't his fault and that we were probably thinking too slow. Our uptight waiter looked at me and my sister, stared at our eyes, and realized what we had done a few minutes earlier.....all of a sudden he turned from overly polite to very casual, even telling jokes and goofing around.

The friend who was treating us ordered the pasta tasting for the entire table which included an appetizer, four plates of pasta, and a dessert. He also ordered a delicious wine: Gregoletto Rosso. Since it was a blind tasting I couldn't write down the items and the waiter would tell us what he was bringing every time but I was too busy eating to listen to his shenanigans. However I did manage to take a few pictures.

Mango Purée with Asparagus Cream

Caprese Salad with Tapenade

Ravioli  dello scrittoe all' astice europeo

Tagliolini with Zucchini, tomatoes, and garlic

Rigatoni with eggplant, fresh tomatoes, smoked cheese, pine nuts

The last pasta dish was the main reason we went to this restaurant. Their specialty dish is the Leggera di taglioni "Romantica" (pasta with sage cream flambéed in a wheel of parmesan). Many people had ordered it before us around our table and we had had the chance to witness the ritual a few times before this dish reached our table. We got to know a little more about our waiter as he mixed the fresh pasta around in the melting cheese and even though it tasted a little bit like "fettuccine Alfredo" it was a great way to end the pasta tasting. 

But it wasn't over yet.

  

Fruit salad, Strawberries soaked in balsamic, Raspberry sherbet and chocolate mousse

Coffee and sweet treats

After almost four hours at the table, we were the last guests to leave the restaurant with a full stomach and great memories. 

www.laromantica.fr

"Les Piétons" - Paris

It seems like every year I have to travel to France for a wedding. It's always a good excuse to see my family and my friends, while binge eating along the way in some of my favorite restaurants.

There are a lot of things I look forward to when I go to France during the summer: The longer days (the sun isn't as lazy as it is in California), the bakeries, hanging out with my sister, riding my mother's scooter in the sun, the cheeses, getting home cooked meal from my pampering mother, laughing with old friends, the authentic restaurants, the Hash, the beautiful old buildings and the yogurt section in the supermarket.

There are also a few things I don't look forward to when I go back to France such as the Subway, the price of the beer in bars, Riding my mother's scooter in the rain, the smell of the subway, the exchange rate for my crappy dollars, the lack of good weed, Parisians in the subway, and of course, the "Zero tolerance" policy on Marijuana in a country where wine is served to Kids and Grogs (Rhum, lemon and warm water) are used to cure a cold....or anything you might want to cure if a bottle of liquor is laying around the kitchen.

There is nothing like waking up in the morning and smelling the scent of bread being baked in the next door bakery. I usually walk around the streets of Paris in my sandals and my hoodie, which can get tricky when the weather changes and rain starts to pour, but it allows me to bring a little bit of my Californian spirit back to Paris. Thanks to some of my good friends, there is always at least one joint waiting for me on the day of my arrival and there's usually more inhaled afterwards. The sunglasses are a great tool when going out in public after a toke, but they do look a little douchy when worn in the dark subway. But one thing is sure: Paris feels like paradise for gourmet stoners.

If you ever visit Paris, you will most likely end up walking by the famous museum known as "Beaubourg" (located in the center of Paris in the 4th quarter) at some point or another. No matter what time of the day you visit this neighborhood, you need to stop by this excellent Bar/Restaurant called "Les Piétons" serving original Spanish Tapas and a delicious Sangria at a reasonable price. They have an amazing lunch menu including three Tapas of your choice, one Dessert and one Glass of Sangria for 12.50 euros which is a perfect option if you have more than one person at the table because you will get to try a variety of Tapas.

My father and I ordered Chorizo cooked in Cider, Empanadas, Cheese, Charcuterie, Fried fish, and Potatoes with aioli. The portions were actually quite big and if the desserts hadn't looked so good I would have stopped after Tapas but when my Crème Brûlée came, I devoured it in less time than it took the waiter to bring it from the kitchen to our table. The staff is very friendly, which is somewhat of a rare occurrence in Paris and we got the chance to chat with the owner for a few minutes on our way out. It's harder to get a table at night because the restaurant is usually packed with a young crowd but it's located in a small street filled with cool shops where you can buy souvenirs while you wait for a table to clear.

http://www.lespietons.com/

"Versailles" - Culver City

Famoso Pollo Versailles - Versailles Famous Garlic Chicken

House specialty

juicy roasted half chicken marinated in our delicious garlic sauce garnished with sliced onions.

This Cuban restaurant has one of the most confusing name for a hungry stoner.  The first time I had diner there was for one of my birthdays with a friend from USC a few years ago, and when he told me to meet him at this place I thought I was going to a French restaurant and was quite surprised when I arrived there. However I was pleased with my first Cuban experience and have gone back there many times since then.

They have a very diverse menu with everything from marinated pork to Mahi-Mahi and the portions are so big you should really share it with a friend the first time you try it even if you have the munchies. 

So after smoking the early evening joint that celebrates the coming of another giant dinner, we called in our order of "Famoso Pollo" and after what seemed to be an eternity we managed to pick Moro as our side dish (It's the rice and beans cooked together with some spices). On the way back we stopped at the liquor store to buy some beer and a Mega Milllions ticket and started getting anxious as the smell of the chicken got to our nostrils.

Once we got back home, we jumped on the box and devoured its content. This chicken was delicious, and if you take it to-go make sure you dip your meat in the lemon and garlic sauce that will be at the bottom of your non-recyclable Styrofoam box. 

http://www.versaillescuban.com/

"Brick + Mortar" - Santa Monica

After last night's meat-and-beer orgy, we woke up somewhat early, brewed coffee, drank it, brewed some more, drank it, and rolled a giant morning after joint (the joint that is supposed to help you feel better during your hangover). Since the award winning movie "Boat Trip" was on the telly, we decided to watch it and laugh at the unfortunate series of events that led Cuba Gooding Jr to play in this movie and his character to end up on a gay cruise. After a few laughs and a few more cups of coffee, I finally headed to Santa Monica were a friend was celebrating her Birthday at the "Brick and Mortar" on main street. She decided to celebrate there since on sunday they offer a bottomless Mimosa from 11am to 3pm for 15$....and when I responded to the invitation, bottomless anything alcoholic sounded like a good idea.

It was my first time going there and after spending a few minutes going around the block to find parking I finally arrived at the restaurant where everyone was holding their precious glass of mimosa. My stomach was still hurting and the mere thought of having more champagne with orange juice was making me cringe. But there was a good surprise when I got there, they were also having a "bloody Mary Ultimate Bar" where you create your own bloody Mary with all kinds of delicious toppings such as shrimps, olives, asparagus, roasted vegetables, lemon, spices, various seasonings, and dozens of bottles of hot sauce. Since I would like to believe the urban legend that the bloody Mary is a great hangover cure, I went for it and ordered a large glass....Well, I ordered a glass and it just happened to be large.

When the bartender handed me the glass he told me to try the deviled eggs that he had made himself that morning, and you usually don't have to beg me to try food. I started gazing at the choices for my first customized bloody Mary. I started digging in and picked up a few olives and put some salt and pepper, a little bit of seasoning, some fresh garlic, some steak sauce and then I grabbed a bottle of hot sauce because I love my bloody Mary to be spicy. I opened the cap and poured what seemed to be a reasonable amount in my giant glass. Happy with what seemed to be a good looking drink, I headed out to the patio to meet up with everybody. As I made my way out, I stirred the drink and tried a sip of my delicious concoction. I first tasted the delicious tomato juice that seemed to be partly freshly made, but I soon forgot about that when the spicy hot sauce hit the back of my throat and the first drops of sweat appeared on my forehead. I had made one big mistake.

I looked for my friends while pretending to enjoy what seemed to be a challenge in "Man Vs. Food" but I had a hard time finding them and I wasn't quite ready to take on that challenge. After visiting the restaurant and realizing everyone was outside smoking (Yes, most of them were French), I introduced myself to a few people out on the patio while wiping my sweaty forehead. 

I don't know if it was during the seventh or eighth sip that I realized that there was no way I was going to enjoy that drink or for that matter be able to even drink it, but I decided to go back to the bar and apologize for my lack of good judgment and they kindly gave me a new glass of vodka and tomato juice after I promised not to open any hot sauce again. I picked all of the same ingredients again and ran away from the long line of hot sauce bottles and had a great time afterwards. The staff was amazingly kind and the bottomless glasses of mimosa were never empty. I can't wait to go again and try their enticing menu.

http://brickandmortarla.com/

@BrickMortarLA

"Bay Cities" Deli - Santa Monica

If I were a rich stoner I would buy most of my groceries at this deli in Santa Monica where you can buy all kinds of products from Europe. There is amazing meat, fresh pasta, a large selection of wine, and all kinds of sweet and savory treats. The deli section has a selection of warm food and the sandwiches are so good I'm drooling just writing about it. There is usually a long line during lunch hours but they do prepare a few of their signature sandwiches in advance that you can just pick up from the counter if you need to be out of there fast. And if you decide to wait for your customized sandwich, you can grab a fresh loaf of bread to munch on while you wait. They have a delicious roasted tomatoes bread that you might accidentally finish before your sandwich is ready. No matter what, order the large one. Chances are you're going to be hungry after you smoke your digestive joint.

The most famous sandwich is the Godmother (Genoa Salami, Mortadella Coppacola, Ham, Proscituuo, Provolone). It's Delicious but after trying many combinations over the years I have found the perfect sandwich: It's the Caprese with Prosciutto. Every ingredient from the bread to the basil tastes fresh and the colors make you salivate as you unwrap the olive oil soaked sandwich. As the ingredients mix in your mouth, the combination of the melting prosciutto, the soft mozzarella and the crunchy bread becomes a pleasantly intense sensory experience. When I was done, I finished my meal with the Kinder that I bought at the cashier and drank my Orangina. It felt like I had just gone on a day trip to Europe.

http://www.baycitiesitaliandeli.com

Warning: Don't try to go on a Monday though, I have made that mistake many times!.... They are closed that day.

"Blue Dog Beer Tavern", Sherman Oaks

One sunny morning I woke up feeling a little sick after a night of munching on chocolate, cookies and cheese. I rolled the morning joint that was going to help my stomach feel a little better and then I received a text from one of my good friends who wanted to meet for lunch and since I hadn't seen her in a while I rolled another one and headed north to the forbidden valley.

We met at the "Blue Dog Tavern", a little restaurant right off the freeway at the intersection of the 405 and the 101. It has a nice outdoor patio with a beautiful view on the 405 and a gas station. It was a very warm day and I started getting dehydrated when I arrived so I ordered my beer before looking at the menu. After evaluating my options, glancing at the tables in the dining room and considering my sick yet starving stomach, I opted for a bacon cheeseburger with fries.

We sat outside in the burning heat of the valley and we started drinking.  The food came fast, \the burger was perfectly cooked and I had a hard time finishing my meal but I did....and I also finished my friend's salad.

After we left the restaurant we went for ice-cream in the nearby mall and I had a giant chocolate waffle cone filled with goodness. Needless to say I had to smoke another one to help my stomach recover from this indulging meal.

http://www.bluedogbeertavern.com/

"Tender" Steakhouse - Las Vegas

A little more than a month ago my mother flew from France for two weeks to visit me. Since we hadn't seen each other in a few months we decided to do something fun together to celebrate my birthday and we bought tickets to Las Vegas at the last minute to gamble some money, drink by the pool and enjoy a good celebration meal. After looking at all our options we took a nap and headed straight to the Luxor and give their Steakhouse a shot. 

When we got to the restaurant they told us there was a 10 minutes wait. It seemed long enough to go buy a pack of cigarette, sit at a slot machine for a few minutes to get a free beer, play a few dollars and chain smoke about ten cigarettes in a row. One hour later we walked up to the host again and sat at our table, sneaking in a drink from the casino in my mother's purse. The steaks looked gigantic and the decor was inviting.

Here's what we had for diner

soup tasting trio: split green pea and smoked ham hock soup, Maine lobster bisque and wild mushroom soup

Angus beef carpaccio

surf and turf sliders 16

Kobe and foie gras meatloaf sliders and Alaskan king crab medallion with truffled onion and artichoke aioli  

wild game tasting, broken arrow ranch, texas 36

Nilgai antelope osso buco, axis venison medallion and wild boar loin with farro, fig chutney and cranberry demi-sauce

Creme Brulée

Everything was delicious and I surprised myself wanting more of the soup that my mother had ordered. They were all succulent. I was a bit disappointed that the waiters didn't attempt to sing "Happy Birthday" when they brought my desert but it was so good I forgot about that mishap 

See more of their fabulous menu on their website

http://www.luxor.com/restaurants/tender.aspx